Does our memory focus on the positive and screen out the negative?

Have you ever recommended a book or movie to someone, and then when you went back to read the book or watch the movie, you were surprised by some of the negative content that you had forgotten about? That is, did you have a tendency to remember the good parts and to forget the negative parts?

I had this experience this week. I was excited to go to a Book Group that was new to me because they would be discussing, “House of Spirits,” by Isabelle Allende. I was excited because I love the Magical Realism genre and Allende is considered one of the first writers in this genre. I loved the character Clara from the book and so I immediately suggested this book to my regular Book Group list, inviting them to join me at the Book Discussion.

Only then did I begin to skim the book in order to be prepared for the book discussion.

Imagine my surprise to run across all of the violence against women in the book that I had not remembered. In fact, as I read about the main character raping peasant girls, I was immediately sorry that I had recommended this book to my friends. It is, in fact, a hard read if you are sensitive to violence against women.

I had to ask myself, how is it that I only recalled the good parts of the book and not the bad?

As I participated in the book discussion last night, I met a woman that could not get past this violence in the book and so she did not read it. Only in the middle of that discussion did I recall that this had happened to me before with another book, “The Temple of my Familiar,” by Alice Walker. I had suggested this book to different friends and family members, and then when I had the opportunity to re-read it, I became distressed by all of the stories about enslaved men and women that I had forgotten and that were really hard to read.

I shared this experience with the group last night and a third woman agreed that someone had suggested Walker’s book as a beautiful book, and she was so surprised to run across all of the violence and cruelty when she read it. She shared that she has experienced the same phenomenon with movies. That is, she has suggested a movie that she remembered loving and then when she watched it again, she was surprised by the negative scenes that she had forgotten.

In fact, she went on to share that this same phgenomenon happened with her grandmother. After her grandmother died, she said, she could have listed all of the bad things that she remembered about her grandmother, but now, looking back, she only remembers the good memories.

How is it that we remember the good parts of a book or movie or a relationship and ignore the offensive aspects?

Perhaps this is explained well in these song lyrics from “Memories,” sung by Barbara Streisand:

“Memories may be beautiful and yet
What’s too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget.
So it’s the laughter we will remember
Whenever we remember…”

Has this happened to you?
I find this really curious and am interested in your comments below.

Warm Regards,

Pammyla
http://www.pammyla.com/